Nothing but pain
by Dracos One And Only
Summary: This has cutting, rape, and hitting in here. This is based on me. So you are warned here and in the story!


**A/N…Helga is almost 17 years old. Her and Arnold were reliving something that she went though. If you read on it will explain better than what I can now. It has cutting and rape in here…if you can't handle it…don't read it! Don't say I didn't warn you! I don't own Hey Arnold! and I wish I did. Anywho…on with the story! I really went through this…so don't be too terrified!**

Helga awoke to birds singing outside her window and the sun shining. She just wanted to go back to bed and cursed the cheerful day. She laid her head back down and started to fall back to sleep when she heard Bob yell for her to get up and make breakfast. She again cursed and got up and walked down stairs.

"Why the hell do I have to make breakfast for you? What have you done for me? All that you do is call me Olga and put me through hell. There is no way I would ever do A N Y T H I N G for you! Just because Miriam is passed out on the counter does not mean that YOU can't fend for yourself." Helga hissed at Bob. Bob was completely taken back by what she just said and he left the room. She decided then it was time to go and take a shower and get ready for another dull and pointless day at school.

After she was done out of the shower she decided that is was then that she needed to get rid of this pain for a little while. She looked around her room for something to cut herself with when all of a sudden the sun hit something metallic. She noticed the razor blade that she bought at the store a couple of months back. She was afraid to use it then and now that she is looking at it she decided she was going to use it. 

She pulled up the sleeve of her shirt on the left and looked at all the cuts she has made on herself. Her face was twisted with a look of distaste for herself and she lowered the blade to her arm. Once she felt it touch her skin she shuddered causing the blade to pierce her delicate skin. She decided that she may as well finish the job and she cut a little further. Immediately she felt the pain rush out with the blood. She poured a little bit of rubbing alcohol onto the cut and she felt a rush of pleasure that she was getting from the pain. 

Five minutes later the cut stopped bleeding and she pulled her long sleeve shirt back down. She was dreading going to school. She was sick and tired of the stares she got going through the halls from her style of clothing she wore. She was the only gothic in the school. At least she wasn't noticed in her class. She hated the attention she got from a certain somebody. Why could he just leave her alone? Why did he always try to be a good guy and help her? Couldn't he see that she didn't want to be helped? 

After she broke out of her thoughts she looked over at the clock. She was going to be late if she didn't hurry up. Not liked she really cared but she didn't feel like arguing with Bob today. She walked down the stairs thinking that nothing was going to go wrong today. Little did she know that something bad was going to happen to her today.

Once she got to school Arnold came running up to her. "Hey Helga. How are you feeling today? I hope you are better than you were yesterday. Do you mind if we talk after school today? I am really worried about you," Arnold said with concern flooding though his sultry voice. "Look Arnold…It is nice that you care and stuff but I am not really in the mood today. I really don't feel like talking to you after school. All I am going to hear from you is nothing but good things and try to make me feel bad. Look I need to go to the bathroom." Helga replied with a hint of sarcasm dripping from her voice. She started to turn around when Arnold grabbed her left arm. Helga let out a whimper and she turned around with an angry face.   
  


Arnold noticing that she whimpered immediately let go of her arm. "Helga why did you just whimper? What is wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong. Look just leave me alone." Arnold saw her turning around to leave again when he grabbed her other arm and made her stop. He grabbed her left arm and lifted up her sleeve. What he saw made him almost faint. 

"H-H-Helga why d-d-do you have c-c-cuts all over you're a-a-arm?" Arnold stuttered. Helga paled and she sneered at Arnold. "Why don't you just leave me the hell alone and forget you ever saw that! I am sick and tired of you always bothering me. I am cutting myself because I feel like it ok? Now if you will…I am going to class. The bell just rang! I bid you a good day!"

Arnold let her go and he turned pure white. He had to tell someone but he was debating whether he should. Maybe he could talk to her after school and see what is going on with her? He watched her leave. He decided to go and run after her but thought better. She was already pissed enough. He wanted to see her after school though. 'What if she doesn't want to see me after school? What will I do then?' He quickly shook his head and ran into school to his first class.

After school was over he tried to find Helga. He saw her walking down the hall and he made his way to her. Helga noticed Arnold walking over to her and she snorted. She ran out of the school. Arnold noticed that she was running from him and he booked after her.

Helga started running as fast as she could and kept checking over her shoulder to make sure he wasn't there. When she noticed that he was coming she tried her hardest to stay out of sight. She finally made it out of the front of the school and she turned right. She was going to make her way over to the docks. She made up her mind…She was going to leave for good. She didn't want to live anymore. She was having a battle all throughout school whether or not she should live or die. She finally made up her mind. 

She turned her head over and noticed Arnold trying his hardest to get to her. She could run faster than he could so she made quick turns and took shortcuts to get where she needed to go. 

Finally she lost him and made her way to the docks. She sat down catching her breath and thinking a little bit. She took out her razor blade and cut herself five more times. She just sat there watching the blood pour down her arm. She loved the sight. It made herself feel calm. 

After all that was done she stood up and made her way home. She decided not to jump in the lake. She was thinking something much better at the moment. She made it home and went straight into Bob and Miriam's room. She took all the medication Miriam had in her room and made her way into the kitchen.   
  


She opened the refrigerator and took out the vodka in there. She opened one pill bottle and poured half the bottle into her mouth and downed it with the vodka. "Only 3 more to go," she muttered to herself. 

While all this was going on she was thinking about all the times in her life that she was hurt physically and mentally. She recalled a time when she was 10 years old. 

Helga was walking down the street to go to her favorite spot so she could sit and think. It was dark outside and she tuned herself out of everything that was going on. She didn't notice that there was a car slowly following her. What brought her back to reality was when one of the men in the car decided to grab her and pull her into the car.

Before she could scream a big hand was clamped over her mouth. He eyes were wide open with fear. Her heart was beating so fast she thought it was going to explode. Once the hand was taken away from her mouth she decided to ask them a question. "What are you going to do with me?"

She looked at the 3 men in the car and one spoke back to her. "We are taking you somewhere. You know what is going to happen don't you? We are going to take good care of you. Don't you worry."

Helga shook at the thoughts going through her head at the moment. They were going to rape her and most likely kill her. She didn't want to die. She didn't even get to say good-bye to anyone! She need to leave…She needed an escape. She closed her eyes when tears started coming. After about 5 more minutes of driving she noticed that they stopped. She opened her eyes only to see the one of the guys grabbing her and pulling her into the a banded building. In no time the men were undressed and closing on the prey. She started to scream but suddenly stop when she noticed the knife in one of their hands. 

They finally made there way over to her and they each took turns with her. She screamed on the inside but did nothing more but cry on the outside. 

After what seemed like forever they were done with her. They said that they would let her go but if she opened her mouth to anyone they would find her and kill her. They turned to leave when they stopped. They came back to her and they started to beat on the fragile little girl. 

Once they were done they left her there. She had to make it home on her own! She sat there feeling disgusted with herself for letting that happen when a thought came to her. She was thinking of cutting herself. She was looking around at the place where she was lying there battered and bleeding. She finally rested her eyes on a piece of glass. She made her way over to the glass very slowly. 

When she reached the glass, she lowered it to her skin making her first cut. She felt the surge of adrenaline flood throughout her body and she liked it. 

Helga snapped out of the old flashback that occurred often. She had so much hatred for herself. She knew that it wasn't her fault but she couldn't help but to feel dirty. She never told anyone what happened that night. She couldn't bring herself to do it. She was afraid of what might have happened. She looked at the pill bottle in her hand and downed the rest of the bottle. She washed it away with another swig of the vodka. She had another flashback that still haunted her dreams.

One month after the three men raped her she started getting sick every morning. Miriam took her to the doctors one morning and left her there to go to the bar down the street. She told her she would be back to pick her up. 

Once the doctor took her in he made her take a pregnancy test. She figured that wouldn't have been it but when it started showing signs she started feeling nervous. She held her breath until the doctor looked at her. He was pale. She asked what was wrong and the doctor told her she was pregnant. She stared at the doctor and started shivering and crying uncontrollably. The doctor walked over to her and pulled her into a tight embrace. 

He wanted to tell Miriam but Helga decided against it. He told her that she had to go and see a gynecologist and she agreed with him. She waited for her mother to return so she could take her to the gynecologist but her mother never returned. She decided to walk over there. 

Once she made it to the gynecologist they took her to the room. The told her what to do before the doctor came into the room. Once the woman left she did as she was told. The doctor knocked on the door and made her way in. She told Helga how to sit and told her what she was going to do. Helga was very afraid but after that was all done the doctor told her what was wrong.

"Your uterus is very damaged. I am sorry to tell you this but in the future you might not be able to have children. You uterus will not be able to hold the baby." Helga was crying once again and the doctor embraced her and left the room. 

Helga was now three months pregnant. She awoke to a pain in her stomach and told Miriam to take to the hospital. She was told that she had a miscarriage. She never had so much pain in her life. She made her way home to cut once again. She didn't come out of her room except to go to school and to go to the bathroom for 2 months. 

Helga snapped out of her trance and looked over at the other pill bottles. She had tears streaming down her face. She grabbed one more of the bottles and opened it. She downed half the bottle and washed it down the rest of the way with the vodka. She stood there and had another flashback. 

At 13 years old Helga was still not over the pain of the rape and the miscarriage of her child. She hated herself more and more everyday and the cutting started getting worse. After all the things she had been though she had a break down and went insane. She started hearing and seeing that weren't there. The voices controlled her and put her down. They only way for the voices to go away she had to cut at herself. She hated the fact but she had to.

Bob came home drunk that day and made his way up to her room. He barged through the door and made his way over to Helga. He told her to stand up and she quickly got up only to get smacked down. He hit her with she force she flew into the wall. She felt the blood roll down from her lip and did the best to keep it from running down her face. Bob stumbled over to where she was and started beating her until she could barely move. He was satisfied with himself and he left Helga there. Once he left the room she broke down crying. Why did he beat her? She had done nothing wrong to him! 

The sad fact…He beat her every now and then. She just let him. She didn't have the strength to fight him. She really didn't want to. She felt she deserved it. 

After that flashback was done she took more of the pills. She grabbed the third bottle and finished that one as well. Once she was done taking the pills, she heard someone knock on the door. She stumbled over to the door and opened it. Arnold looked at her from the other side. He was surprised to see her look so pale. 

He made his way into the house and noticed that Helga started wobbling. He reached over to her and made sure to keep her steady. He walked her over to the couch. "Helga, what is wrong with you?" Arnold asked fighting back tears. 

"I have completed my mission Arnold. I will be dying soon. I took a lot of pills and downed them with some vodka. Be happy for me. I wont be going though any more bullshit here. This was meant to happen," retorted Helga.

Arnold now crying ran over to the phone and called 911. An ambulance made it's way over as quickly as possible. Once they got there they got an unhappy Helga into the ambulance after fighting with her for 30 minutes. Arnold came along. 

Once they got her to the hospital they rushed her into a room. She fought with them for a good 4 hours at the hospital before they were able to keep the tubes in her nose and throat. They gave her some more medicine and she finally was knocked out. 

Helga awoke 2 days later with Arnold next to her in the chair. She looked at him and snorted. She really despised him at the moment. "What are you doing here? Why am I not dead? What day is it?"

"Helga you were in a coma for two days. I came over your house and you told me that you were committing suicide and I called 911. I am very surprised that you are still alive! I am so glad that you made it through. You know the doctors said that if you have fought for half an hour longer you would have been dead? You took 3,800 milligrams of medicine Helga! What the hell made you do this?" Arnold told her with tears coming down his face.

"I did it because I wanted to get out of this hell hole of a life! No one cares about me! My own "parents" don't even care about me! Do you know what it is like to live this life? If you did…you would have done the same thing as me! You know nothing about me. You have no idea what I have been through," Helga hissed. 

"You know that you are going to go to a hospital after you get out of here right? Bob and Miriam signed the forms. I don't know how long you will be there for but I will try hard to visit you. I thought I was going to lose you Helga. I am glad I didn't. You may not think of me as a friend…but I think of you as one. I do care about you Helga. I know your parents do also. They were very upset when they were here. They came to see you yesterday. They will come and see you today. I will sit here until they fix you up so they can take you over to the hospital. I really hope that you get out soon. Maybe we can become friends after?" Arnold asked her with a hint of hope in his voice. He really was glad that she made it out alive. She may not think so but he really was. He stood up and made his way over to her and hugged her. 

Helga was shocked at first but she returned the hug. "I will think about becoming friends with you Arnold. You know I am not a very good person to hang around. I really hate what you did for me. I wanted to die so I would have to live a life of pain and regrets. You have no idea of what I have been through. I will never tell you what I have been through. I will never tell anyone!" replied an angry Helga.

"I don't expect you to forgive me Helga. I did it so maybe one day you can see how special you really are! I hope that after the hospital you will live a life of happiness. I need to go and get someone to tell them you are awake," replied Arnold with a look of sadness on his face.

Once he exited the room he came right back with a doctor. He made his way over to her and made sure she was well enough to leave. He took out the stitched IV's in her arm and took out the other things that were placed upon her. He told her she would leave the hospital in 1 hour. 

After the hour passed, Arnold and Helga were being taken over to the hospital she was going to stay at for a while. The problem was she didn't know how long. Once she got settled in and bid her good-bye to Arnold she was going into the living room. As soon as she made her way into the living room she was asked to go and see her psychologist. 

She was in the room with her psychologist (Dr. Mann) and she already didn't like him. He returned the feelings. He told her she was going to stay there for as long as it took to get into a psych ward. Helga didn't like it but she couldn't do anything about it. Once she was done talking to him she went straight to her room until dinnertime

. 

(skipping ahead to after the whole psych ward deal. It was 2 and ½ years later.)

After she was done with telling her story to Arnold he looked sad. He was not sorry about doing this to Helga. He was happy to see her again. She looked so much better than the last time he saw her. He wasn't able to see her while she was locked away. Maybe it was better that way. He really didn't want to see Helga while she was there. He was glad that Helga wrote to him and decided to become friends. He will never forget what it was like when he saw Helga 2 and ½ years ago. He still has bad memories about that. 

Helga was sitting there studying Arnold's face. She felt bad that Arnold was the one to see what happened to her. She was trying to make up for lost time with him though. She decided to become his friend so that when she started feeling down she had him to turn to. She felt so much better now that she was on medication and it was all thanks to Arnold. If he didn't decide to show up that day she would have been dead. She is eternally grateful to him. And she always will be.

She learned that life throws some bad things her way and she has to take it head on. If she doesn't then she will be knocked down. She decided to take it standing up. She also decided that life is not all that bad and that she was going to live it to the fullest. At least she had someone that cared for her and always would be there. She had a second chance at life and she was going to live it to the fullest! 

**A/N…I know that may have been really really stupid. But I don't care! I felt like writing it so there. Well…this was an experience that I went through…I decided to make it come out happy even though it didn't. If you feel like flaming me telling me this was a pointless story…don't bother. I already know! Have a nice day!**  


End file.
